There’s Nothing Perfect About Divorce (Or Life, For That Matter)
Originally written May 12, 2015
Tweaked October 28, 2020
I’m a perfectionist, and there’s nothing perfect about divorce. It’s messy…and disorganized…and painful. The other person doesn’t care if you have plans, goals to meet, or aspirations. They don’t concern themselves with your schedule—or wonder if time matters to you. Reasonable expectations walked right out the door the moment your marriage partner did; and your neat, well-thought-out life suddenly has nasty twists and turns and major potholes you didn’t see coming. You wait for the moment your life will slow down so you will have just long enough to catch your breath—to check your pulse and verify your heart’s still beating; but then you see the million pieces of your fragmented love story lying at your feet, and you wonder, “How am I going to function in this new, non-perfect existence?”
The only thing I know for certain is that God has never failed me, and He’s not going to start now. He doesn’t love me any less when I can’t make sense out of the scattered details in my upside down world. I have to keep reminding myself it’s ok for everything not to make sense and look disheveled, because it is. So, I keep breathing in and breathing out, believing one day the sky will look blue again. I will sit on my back porch and hear the birds chirping their contented songs again; and I will know God has lead me to this better place. In the meantime, I leave all my worry, anxiety-ridden moments, and fragmented pieces in God’s hands, because even if I’m not perfect, God is.