Eluded

Originally written June 1, 1995
Edited January 19, 2021

Have I really forgotten what it means to smile?
Do I lack the endurance to go the extra mile?
Or is it really within me just hiding inside?
Is it strength that I lack or because of fear that I hide?

I often wonder, do I know what it is?
Acceptance that’s faltered, or am I outrunning the wind?
I really don’t know, is it a memory that fades?
Do feelings return? Will I ever see the next page?

Or do I learn to grow stronger by enduring the weight?
Do the answers come slowly and begin to appear as I age?
Or do I have to wait and wonder, asking where do they hide,
those answers to questions I’m holding inside?

I stop and I ponder, do I know what it all means?
What a very good question—one that’s still eluding me.