The Risk
I did a thing. I risked putting my feelings into words. Bumbled. Botched. Inadequately communicated. Yep. That described my attempt, but keeping my emotions bottled inside didn’t serve as an answer, either. So, I shared my raw grief in writing—even though I felt powerless, weak, and overall useless, struggling to find purpose in my life.
I knew there would be many people who would read my post and possibly misconstrue my presentation, but I also knew there would be many others who could relate to my human lack of strength and see past my triggered state and would likely feel less alone with their own struggles, so I decided to share.
My phone rang at 1:22pm, Monday afternoon, shortly after I blogged about losing a song contest being put on by our church. “Mama Murphy,” AKA: Gale Jones Murphy (my former choir director and long-time friend), read this blog and thought it wise to check-up on me. I answered her cheery “How’s it going?” with a half-hearted, “I’m hanging in there.”
“And why are we hanging?” she inquired. When I couldn’t come up with an answer, she asked, “Could it possibly be because you’re overthinking things?”
I choked back tears and answered, “Yeah, that sounds like me.” I had no idea why the sudden onset of emotions, but tears flooded my face. “It really wasn’t about winning the contest. I just wanted to share my song.”
The real source of my sadness surfaced when Gale directed my attention to what should have been obvious to me, but wasn’t. “You expected [the song] to be used right away, didn’t you?”
I paused. “Yeah, I suppose I did.” Funny. I had never imagined God’s timing being different than mine. After all, He’s the One who gave me the song, and I had written it specifically for our church. I would’ve never composed it otherwise.
“But isn’t this song supposed to be for next year?” Gale’s emphasis on the timing of it all made me laugh. I mentally calculated the months until 2025. Yep. Next year is a good four-plus months away. “And isn’t the song about overflowing?” With great kindness, she added, “You don’t know that it’s not going to be used. [It just wasn’t chosen for the theme.] You made all that stuff up in your thinking. Their letter to you never said that.” Ouch, but true. I had imagined all kinds of reasons for the rejection far beyond the scope of what spelled No on the page.
“You know what I’ve learned?” she continued. “I like for things to be in my timing, because then I can micromanage the blessings; but, when I do that, I miss out on the bigger blessings God is wanting to give me.” Wow! That hit home.
She also shared, “The devil really takes issues with musicians, because we’ve taken his job, the one he had when he was Lucifer. Think about it. He was fired from his job and literally kicked out Heaven.” I had never thought of Satan being envious of me, but it made sense. Of course Satan would have an issue with me praising God and being promoted above him. That’s how jealousy works. That also explained his attacks on me, and why I had been wrestling for days with not feeling good enough.
Another thing Gale said stood out. “God never sends out anything for it to come back void. Your song, those words, they’re out there now. They can’t be taken back, so let’s just wait and see what He’s going to do with it.” Interestingly, I opened up my Bible reading plan and the next lesson had Isaiah 55:11 NLT in it. “It is the same with My word. I send it out, and it always produces fruit. It will accomplish all I want it to, and it will prosper everywhere I send it.” This verified that in God’s hands my song will go where it’s supposed to be received and used.
Switching gears, Gale put on her Mama Murphy hat and asked, “Have you hydrated today? Had anything to eat? Gotten out of bed? Put your face on? Lookin’ all cute? Or are you still in your PJs, hugging your pillow?” I finally snickered, following some silence. “Uh-huh. That’s what I thought.” She laughed, too. “Now this is what I want you to do for me. I don’t care how much time it takes, but between now and the end of today I want you to….” Step by step she laid out very attainable tasks for me to achieve.
Because I knew I mattered to her, 1.) I filled up my 40-ounce tumbler with my favorite health drink and made myself lunch—something I probably would’ve neglected to do if it hadn’t been brought to my attention.
Because she made me accountable to someone outside myself, 2.) I took a shower, dried my hair, and “put on my face”—which for me is only lipstick, but, still, that counts.
And because I knew she genuinely wanted to see a smile replace the darkness squelching my joy, 3.) I texted her a promised selfie at 5:44pm—more than 6 hours before my end-of-the-day deadline—displaying a smile backed with purpose. God for the win!
Today, if God places someone on your heart, I pray you will be His hands and feet and a voice of encouragement like Gale chose to be for me. Take the risk. Make the difference. Your life matters! 💕
