Invisible

Invisible. Odd word for a firstborn child to use in describing herself, I know. Firstborns are usually thought of as ambitious. Assertive. Take charge. Born leaders (due to their position in the family). These aren’t exactly quiet adjectives for someone resonating with words like replaceable. Overlooked. Unseen. Invisible.

Growing up, I never fit in with the crowds, the cliques, the happening groups at school. Yet, when I did participate in social events, forcing myself outside my comfort zone, I felt awkward, out of place, like an imposter, though I’ve always been 100 percent authentically real. This being said, I didn’t possess the cutesy, humorous, contagious personality my younger sister had, bolstering her likability and social status. I resembled more of the serious, goody-two-shoes, loner persona—the kind that often came with unsolicited “lighten up” and “live a little” encouragement. So, over the years, I found myself shrinking into a wallflower, making myself smaller, hoping to lessen the constructive criticism that stung more than it furthered growth or change, though I postured outwardly with tough skin. After all, it’s in my firstborn DNA to appear strong and resilient. Correct?

Living in the Orlando area most of my life, I attended church on a regular basis. I knew of Andy McDonald, a much-loved pastor at one of our sister churches, and recognized him by face or name. He had ministered at WholeLife Church (plus a couple former church names) for 37 of the church’s 100-year history. Over those years, I had seen him at camp meetings during the summer, friends’ weddings and funerals, along with other Florida Conference events. He had a genuinely happy demeanor, always positive and smiling, even when life threw curveballs. His kind soul would also look you in the eye when saying, “Hi!,” welcoming you into the moment, even if he didn’t know you. And, up until my most recent encounter with Pr. Andy, I believed myself to be one of those casual hellos. Nothing more. Nothing less. But, come to find out, I am part of one of his most memorable moments while pastoring. Say what?! Right?

While gathering outside for a church group photo during the 100th birthday celebration, Pr. Andy caught my eye. His smile broadened with recognition. Walking toward me, he closed the gap between us. “Hey, Lori! How’s it going?” His face beamed. “You know, I was just thinking about all the wonderful years pastoring here, but one of the most memorable moments has to be one I had with you and your sister.” For a second, the dots didn’t connect through my mental shock. Not only does he remember me, he knows me by name? For real?

Turning to the lady next me, Pr. Andy put his hand on her shoulder and elaborated. “You see, I knew Lori first, long before I knew her sister, Lisa.” He let out a jolly chuckle.

I knew Lori first. The words stood out in the conversation as loudly as if someone had blared them across the parking lot with a bullhorn. Someone had noticed me all those years I thought I had been flying under the radar. Yet, I couldn’t recall any personal conversations or significant interactions where Pr. Andy would’ve known me by name. My sister? Sure. But not me. Still, somehow, he had been aware of my presence. I stood there in awe.

“Maybe that’s why I kept calling Lisa by her sister’s name when she came for pre-marriage counseling not long before her wedding,” I heard Pr. Andy hypothesizing. He then shook his head and laughed some more. “And it didn’t just happen once. It probably happened at least two or three times!” 

I smiled, still not understanding how Lisa could’ve possibly been mistaken for me, even if just subconsciously. After all, she’s the outgoing personality, the one Pr. Andy saw frequently and had interacted with on a name-to-name basis. Plus, she’s the one people remember. 

“But that’s not where the story ends,” Pr. Andy continued. “Wedding day comes, and Lisa walks up the aisle to the front, like all brides do, making her way onto the platform; but what I didn’t see was that she had something wrapped around her bouquet, which was in her hand. While I was welcoming everyone at the beginning of the ceremony, she was secretly peeling off this label, then she smacked it to herself.” He motioned to his chest, right above his heart. “It took me a moment to realize what was happening. Then I read the words on the label. ‘Hi, my name is Lisa.’ And I lost it. In all the weddings I’ve done, I’ve never had anyone do that before or since.” True story.

Where am I going with this, you ask?

I am going here: YOU. ARE. NOT. INVISIBLE. The Creator of the Universe knows you by name, created you with a purpose, and wants you to know your life has meaning. You are not a mistake, and you have not been forgotten! Not for one second.

“I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as My prophet to the nations.” Jeremiah‬ ‭1‬:‭5‬ ‭NLT‬‬

“O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I’m far away. You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord. You go before me and follow me. You place Your hand of blessing on my head. I can never escape from Your Spirit! I can never get away from Your presence!” Psalms‬ ‭139‬:‭1‬-‭5‬, ‭7‬ ‭NLT‬‬

“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ says the Lord. ‘They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.’” Jeremiah‬ ‭29‬:‭11‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Please inform your conscious thoughts of this: You are enough. You are seen. Your life matters! You don’t have to believe me, though; but please believe God. What He says goes.